Vol I. | Prologue | Revised Edition

Sharing the revised prologue step-by-step.

Let’s dive into the original prologue and see how the revision holds against the older prose…

Original:
A cacophony thrummed in her ears, the thunderclap vibrating in her chest. Spasms of pain pelted her skin. Explosions of fire belched out and engulfed her, the afterglow blistered her back. Julie arched away from the monsoon of shrapnel burrowing into her limbs.
Confusion crept through her mind like fog, ponderous and opaque. The world rocked in chaos and agony.

Okay, we’ve got a lot going on here, and it’s an immediate setting with moving parts. This technique is called en medias res, which translates to: starting in the middle. You’re thrown into the scene with zero anchoring, and it’s meant to read chaotic and fast.

Revision:
A cacophony thrummed in her ears, the thunderclap resonating in her chest. Pain pelted her skin, sharp and stabbing. Fire belched out and engulfed her; the heat blistered her back.
Julie arched away as shrapnel burrowed into her limbs.
Confusion clutched her mind in an opaque fog; chaos rocked the world around her.

As you can see, much of the same verbiage was used, which was the point. This isn’t a rewrite, this is a facelift, a pruning of the prose while keeping the core intact. But these small cuts, over a long period of time, will add up to a massive difference. The point is to get into the story with quick, decisive cuts rather than be bogged down with the prose.